Never Loved?

I don’t think I ever actually loved anyone. Never. I desired the woman I married — a strong desire — but did I love her? The marriage ended in divorce, so one must conclude I did not — would one divorce someone one loved? I think not.

I care about family members, and am distraught whenever something bad happens to any of them, but is caring and loving the same thing? I think not.

There have been many friends — a few close friends, many casual friends — but friendship, while a kind of love, isn’t really love, I don’t think. Not really.

So one looks at couples who have been together for years, even decades, and concludes, now that is real love! But have they merely endured each other, for fear or dread of being left alone and isolated?

One is reminded of the 60s Joni Mitchell song Both Sides Now. Does one really know love at all? I don’t. And, sadly, never have.

I think parent’s love for their children must be unadulterated love — pure — at least in the beginning. But I never had children, so I didn’t experience that either.

So I will die having never loved — a small tragedy in an insignificant life. So be it.

So if YOU have ever loved, count yourself among the lucky ones — not everyone has.


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